Just Do It

I had one of the coolest experiences in the past few weeks that I've ever had. God has been teaching me through songs, words from others, and instances that can't be explained.
Most of you know the story of Balaam--pronounced Bay-lum (Numbers 22-25). He was the prophet that was disobeying God, and God made his donkey speak to warn him of the angel that was set before Balaam to kill him. If that doesn't ring a bell, then please read the above chapters. I admit that I had to go back and really read those chapters just to gain understanding of what it was my Father was trying to tell me.
Remember my previous post where I said God has a thing with 3's in my life? Well, this is one of those instances. Here's how it all came together:
John and I were discussing our current housing situation--the fact that we are still trying to sell this house, and the house on Imperial that we had really wanted and were believing in went under contract (that's another post for another time)--and I casually mentioned a cat that has been sitting in the driveway of the Imperial house every time I drive by. The reason I was intrigued by the cat is because the house is vacant and has been since February. I was wondering if the cat had some significance, so I asked John if he believed that God uses animals--and if they are sensitive to the Spirit like humans are.
John's comment was, "Well, look at Balaam and his donkey in the Bible. God certainly used an animal in that situation." I made a mental note of that comment, and we continued on with our discussion. Balaam was planted in the back of my mind from that moment on.
The following day, I was visiting a dear friend at her house. We were having coffee and watching our little ones play on the floor, when I decided to tell her about the fact that house we had wanted was no longer for sale. For some reason, I casually asked her if she believed in animals being sensitive to the Spirit---this is kind of an opening question so I could relay the cat story to her as well. Her response was, "Yeah. Remember the story of Balaam?"
Wow! There was that name again! I put that second reference to him in my mental file box. I knew at this point that there was a reason his name was coming up in conversation.
Ok, so fast forward about 4 days. I was at worship practice, and we were all yakking it up on the stage after playing a song--sort of a break between songs to figure out some sound issues. For some reason (and I'm still not certain how in the world it came up), the worship leader turned around to me and said the name Balaam. It freaked me out completely. I told him that I had heard that name 2 other times this week and it was so weird that he said it. His comment was, "Well, I guess you need to go back and read that story again to see what God is trying to tell you." He was totally right.
That night, I went home and got out the laptop to read the story from esword (www.e-sword.net if you are interested in downloading it). I recommend it! Anyway, I read it---I re-read it---I read it another 2 times---and I still had no answer as to why God was pointing this man out to me. Balaam wasn't really the best prophet on the planet. Basically, King Balak summoned Balaam and wanted him to curse the Israelites, promising him money and a high position. God told him not to go. Eventually Balaam gave in to Balak's requests, saddled up his donkey, and was heading out to Balak's land when an angel of the Lord appeared in his path to stop him from going. Balaam couldn't see the angel, but his donkey could. The donkey tried to avoid the angel (who was sent to kill Balaam with a sword for his disobedience to the Lord), but each time the donkey tried to move or go a different direction, Balaam punished him. Finally, after the 3rd time of the donkey trying to avoid the angel (there it is with the number 3 again!), the Lord opened the donkey's mouth and she spoke to Balaam. Here is how it happened:
"When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. Then the LORD opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?" Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now." The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," he said.
Then the LORD opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown."
Numbers 22:27-31
I could not, for the life of me, figure out what that had to do with me. Was I being disobedient? Was the cat going to open it's mouth and talk to me, telling me that I was wrong about something? Was I going to be punished? All of these thoughts kept swirling in my mind. I went to bed frustrated and confused.
As I laid there in the darkness, I asked God to open my mind and explain a little better just what it was He was trying to relay to me. He brought my thoughts back to a different part of Balaam's story. I then realized it wasn't about the donkey at all. It had nothing to do with that part--He took me to the end of the story instead.
Eventually, Balaam realized the error of his ways, and he promised God that he would only speak His words--the truth--and not curse the Israelites. Balaam realized that the money and promotion was not worth losing his relationship with the Father. So, when Balak comes back and presents his requests to Balaam again, Balaam speaks only what God tells him to, even though it eventually cost him his life. You can read about that in Numbers chapter 25.
Anyway, THAT was what God was getting at when he brought Balaam to my mind. The lesson was:
There will be times of trial. The world will try to get me to do things a different way than what I know is right. I cannot give in to the world's requests. Instead, I must promise God to always speak what it is He tells me, and not have a fear of what the world will think or say. It may cost me, but it will all be worth it in the end. I must shed the coat of embarrassment and just do what He says.
It will forever amaze me how He can speak through people in my life, as well as through stories in the Bible. That is proof enough for me that His Word is true and alive, still to this day. From now on, I will not be ashamed of Him, and I will speak the truth.

Sides

I hate to take sides.
That being my main statement for the evening, I shall elaborate.
Taking sides has always made me uncomfortable. I remember as far back as elementary school--trying to make the decision as to who's side to be on in a crummy little tiff between girls. It's always a question of who is right and who is wrong, and I despise having to make that choice. Of course there are going to be times in life when it's necessary to take sides, but it's still painful.
Take the current economic situation for example. Sure, it's easy to nestle in my comfy chair that sits inside my wonderful home and say what I think regarding the decisions our President and the goverment are making.
I won't share those thoughts here, for this is not the time or the place.
The one thing I have learned is that if I position myself in the middle ground and take a look at both sides equally, I'm bound to find the truth in all of it. After all, that is what I seek--the truth.
I desperately want everyone in this world to get along, but I know as well as the next person that that isn't reality. Ultimately, there has to be responsibility placed on someone's shoulders, but who am I to decide that when it is outside of my realm. I recognize my authority here in my household and with my children (and of course there is my spiritual authority), but I can't have my way in every day-to-day situation that comes up. I choose to accept the fact that I can't micro manage the world around me, so I have to allow others to help with that. I can take responsibility for MY actions and just try to see things from a neutral perspective. I can't have higher than normal expectations of others either, for we are all human and subject to fall.
Taking sides is more than a game of who is right and who is wrong. I do not take it lightly when I have to align myself with a certain side, so I choose to do one thing---seek the truth.
The truth shall set you free.

Give Me Your Eyes

We've all heard the saying--"never judge a book by its cover"--probably 1,000 times or more in our lives. Why is it, though, that it's such a hard concept to remember? It is for me at least. Too often I find myself taking things at face value and allowing my emotional side to control how I feel about a person or situation. I judge before I know the full story.
For example:
A couple that John and I know have asked favors of us lately that really have left me frustrated. I enjoy helping others--seriously, it's what I am passionate about--but there comes a point when you can feel taken advantage of or just flat out grumpy about it. That was where I found myself today. I am a creature of habit, and when my routine is changed up without much notice it can set me off like no other.

I know, not the best "Christian attitude" to have huh. He's teaching me that.

Anyway, after talking with the wife, I was taken back by just how intense of a situation she and her husband are in. I had felt mad for the tiny bit of inconvenience they had put me through (and I mean TINY folks) and then she tells me things that I was blown away by. I was so quick to judge and let those silly emotions of anger and irritation creep in without warrant. When she asked me to pray for them, what I really wanted to do was hang my head in shame, creep to the car, and bawl the whole way home out of complete embarrassment and guilt.

Forgiveness and grace are beautiful things. It's time I start handing them out as often as I wish to receive them.

At first glance, it's almost completely impossible to know everything about any given situation. You must build relationships, love on others, dig deeper when given the opportunity, and just extend the love of the Father at all times, regardless of how much it gets you out of your comfort zone. As embarrassed as I am to type this, I actually called up another good friend of mine this morning to complain and comment on how I guess I'm "doing my Christian duties for the day."

Apparently, I have viewed God's work as too big of hassle lately.
Sheesh. That's rough.

There is a song that plays on the radio that has amazing lyrics (yes, it seems He is speaking to me through songs lately). I have come to really embrace this song and make it a prayer every morning. Whether a song has a catchy beat, lovely tune, or whatever---it's still from someone's heart and probably originated from a struggle within themselves. Read over these lyrics. Let them sink in deep, and remember to "never judge a book by its cover."

"Give me Your eyes for just one second,
Give me Your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missin',
Give me Your love for humanity.

Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted,
The ones that are far beyond my reach,
Give me Your heart for the once forgotten,
Give me Your eyes so I can see."
--Brandon Heath, "Give Me Your Eyes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OihvG607W-c

It's Just A Song...Right?

There's this song....
It's amazing in every form and fashion. It's a simple chord progression--nothing fancy. The words are simplistic yet strange. The whole thing gets stuck in your brain, ears, heart, and spirit like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.

It's just a song....right?

The song is called "How He Loves," and it's been recorded by a woman named Kim Walker (www.jesusculture.org). She has a very unique but captivating voice, and the recording is live which makes it that much more interesting. The first time I heard it was when the worship leader at our church emailed it to me. It was the youtube video of Kim W. singing it, and it swept me off of my feet. THEN, he decides that we should sing it in church. That's when the craziness began.

If you enjoy watching youtube videos and want to experience this for yourself, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Anyway, the Sunday night that we practiced this song for the next Sunday's worship time, something happened....something big. For the first time in my entire 20 years of playing the violin, I was taken over. Literally. My fingers found notes that I had yet to use, I was moving with the flow of the music. The performance part of it was taken out, and all that was left was the Spirit who had complete access to my bow, fingers, instrument, and heart. From that moment on, I knew something was stirring and a new level of worship/understanding/enlightenment/awakening was coming. Excitement doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.
For the entire past week, I have had that song playing--whether it be in the car, the computer, or the ipod. It just has captivated me. I've seen things happen in the past few days that have NEVER happened before, and it has allowed me to shed the skin of embarrassment and frustration regarding my spirituality and beliefs. Honestly, I felt like I've been sitting at Jesus' feet for days upon end, not feeling the need to get up and leave--I've felt just like Mary, if you will.

It's just a song....right?

Wrong. It becomes way more than a song when the words fly off of the page and slap you in the face-no matter how simple or complex they may be. When your insides get rocked and your stomach does summersaults every time you hear the music, you know something's changing. It's a means to a new end. It's a catapult that has launched me into the next phase of my spiritual life. I feel His presence hovering over me constantly now, and I just feel so hungry for not only His words, but HIM.

This past Sunday morning, something took over. I know it was the Spirit, and that in and of itself is just amazing. A literal wave of heat burned through the sanctuary as people began praying over each other, speaking His words of encouragement to a neighbor, and much more. Those of us on the worship team were seriously feeling the burn. I was pouring sweat, and my fingers were just completely out of my control on the fingerboard of my violin. I think we played for 8-10 minutes straight.
How absolutely glorious it is when the Spirit is allowed to flow freely in a place. I won't ever be the same--that is a guarantee. Situations and things John and I have been praying about for so long are about to happen. I feel it DEEP in my bones, even more so than before.

It's just a song...right?

No, it's much more than that. It was a touch on the heart from the God--the God of Jacob who formed the earth and all that is in it. His breath was on my cheek, His fire in my soul. He was most definitely smiling, I just know it.

"There are some of you who have never encountered the love of God. Today, God wants to encounter you. He wants to encounter you. Without Him they ARE just songs, words, and instruments. Without Him we just make noise. But, His loves changes us. We are never the same---we are never the same when we encounter the love of God. Right now, if you've encountered the love of God, then you would know---because you wouldn't be the same. You would never be the same again. And, if you haven't encountered the love of God, then just brace yourselves, because He's about to blow through this place."
Kim Walker

Brewin'

I just wanted all of you to know that I am in the process of writing a post--basically it's brewin' as we speak. Don't give up on me! I have tons of thoughts and recent experiences that I'm trying to transfer from the brain to the page. Check back soon for a real post! :)

Revelations In Corinthians

The thing I desire most in my life is to please my Father. I could go the next 20 years without fashionable clothing, a big house, fine furnishings, new cars, etc., but I know that could not go another second without thinking about pleasing Him. I'm not talking about a big "song and dance routine" or being overly dramatic (I have NO tendency to do that-ha!) in order to call attention to myself during worship--stuff like that. I'm talking about getting down to the reasons why I am even here on this earth, in this body, typing on this computer.

I'm sure if you ever have been (and still are) a church-goer, then you've heard 100's of sermons on what it takes to have a great Christian walk. You know the whole spill by heart about watching your words, praying for others, staying away from sin, and following the 10 commandments. Truly, those things are all of great importance, but what are we really here for?


Are we just made to sit around, praise the Father mostly on Sundays, act kindly towards others while out in public (and at home being secretly frustrated with the lack of upward movement in our Christianity) and just waiting for Jesus' return to happen in the blink of an eye....someday....somewhere....somehow?

Or--------are we called to do more than that? Does God want us to revel in His glory with Him, spill it out like a fountain to all we meet, and grab other believers' hands and pull them along with us?


I was doing a word search on http://www.biblegateway.com/ today, and I stumbled upon a chapter of 1 Corinthians that I'm sure I've read 1,000 times, but it stuck out like a sore thumb this time. If you have time and want to truly understand where I am coming from in this post, then please go read:

1 Corinthians 14 (yes, the whole chapter--it's not long!)


To paraphrase it for those who want a cliff-notes kind of blog post, Paul is talking about the gift of prophesy. I realize that a lot of Christians are freaked out by the whole "gifts of the Spirit" concept, and I admit I used to be right there with you. Just for me, and just for a moment, let's pretend that these gifts are real and free to anyone who asks for them. Let's just say that God can speak to the common man, thus turning him into a vessel and a speaker for the nations. Perhaps God can draw anyone at anytime into the ministry without them having schooling in that area. Let's just pretend it's possible.....


And if it is, then regular-old-me could hear Him directly, and I could share a word of encouragement or instruction with someone else--on His behalf of course. Wouldn't that just rock your world?!?


News flash ladies and gentlemen, IT DOES HAPPEN. God does speak to those who choose to listen, and He is moving like He never has before. In 1 Corinthians 14, Paul's take on the gift of prophesy is that it can change the church as we know it today. Speaking in tongues (ouch-another uncomfortable but very real gift) is wonderful, and it is a way that our spirit speaks to The Spirit. Doing so is between us and Him, but when you prophesy----then you are edifying the church body--as in ALL Christians. God doesn't make mistakes when He allows us to dream certain dreams, hear certain things, or see something that we may be shocked by. It's all part of the communication process, and I know He desires to speak to us on a regular basis, not just in our "prayer closet"---that's assuming we have a prayer closet of some kind. Prophesy is speaking on His behalf to His people in their language, not in tongues.

I honestly believe more people hear from God than admit to it. I'll tell you all right now that I am a dreamer. That is how He communicates with me, and I didn't realize it until about 4 years ago. I thought I was crazy. Things that I would dream would come true--now if that doesn't freak a person out, I don't know what will! I'm not boasting or saying that to have any form of gratification, it's just the truth. My Father loves me enough to share just a teeny tiny portion of His works with me while I sleep, and I find it a pleasure to wake up in the morning and either take those words to whom they were meant for, or to spend time in prayer digesting it for myself. Guess what--He loves YOU that much too.

It's really amazing what you can hear when you REALLY listen. God doesn't want to be a gigantic mystery somewhere high above the clouds. Instead, He wants to be that still, small voice right next to your ear that whispers secrets only He and you can understand. He also wants to be your best friend, comforter, and guide. The gifts--such as prophesy--are just another way we as humans can please Him. When we use the gifts He gives us freely, and we direct them in ways that build up and edify the church body, He can't help but be pleased--and I know it makes Him smile.

The 2 E's

Many 1,000's of apologies if you are a reader of this blog and believe that I only have negative things to say when it comes to spirituality. That is not my intention by any means. Lately, I have been in a big battle and it seems to have taken its toll on me, especially with my emotions. I live an amazingly blessed life, and there is nothing---not any battle in this world---that could change that. After all, I have come from crappy circumstances (not growing up, but in my early adult years that were of my own doing) and made something from it. I have a very adoring husband who bends over backward to please me, 3 beautiful children each with a unique personality that makes me grin from ear to ear every single day, and most importantly a kind, forgiving, hugely awesome God that I could not live without.

The friends I have made and prayers I have received from readers of this blog have blessed my heart more than they (or even I) could ever know. After all, isn't that what it's all about--blessing others so that you may also be blessed? So, consider this a word from Him...for lifting me up, you are also going to be lifted up.

Here is my big desire: I want to network with more Christians, not just in my neighborhood/town/state, but elsewhere as well. I am more than certain that there are other believers out there that want to be found---and want to share their lives with me.
So, this a call to you! Please comment or say "hello" anytime--and for those who already do, THANK YOU!

Sometimes a Christian's life is a bed of roses, and other times it all comes up thorns. I have gotten great advice over the past few days/weeks about just going on--walking it out--staying strong--continuing to believe--making lemonade when life hands you lemons. All of it is great and wonderful to hear! I need encouragement like that ALWAYS, not just when things are tough. I covet your prayers and bits of wisdom. After all, hearing from God's people is what I desire the most. I know He speaks through us if we only let Him, and He can totally change my viewpoint on battles I'm in through others' words.

If you can't tell just from reading this blog, I am a very emotional person. I am constantly on a roller coaster emotionally, and it seems like I either sit at the beginning of the ride (waiting, waiting, waiting for it all to start) or at the very top of the track (you know, the point at which you look down and realize you are about to take a huge dive and it's gonna being a thriller?) most of the time. However, right now I'm climbing the track to that peak, and I am getting more and more excited with each slow movement upward.

Another thing that I must say quickly:
There is someone reading this blog that needs to hear from God. He has something to say, and He's pressing on my heart to type it:
"You need faith, that's all. Take it by the horns and wrangle it. Don't be afraid to believe in what I have told you. Respect and honor me enough to understand that I have only good planned for you, regardless of what you see in the physical. I make ALL things possible, and I won't stop until I have you right where I want you--in My hands."

Ok, so back to the emotions. I used to find it a burden to be as emotionally unstable at times as I can be. One minute I'm happy-go-lucky, the next minute I'm unraveling like a cheap pair of pantyhose. That's it though--conquering the emotions is next on my list of "to-do's." I feel like as a woman I can break or make a deal with emotions, and I don't want to be accused of doing the latter. Follow me?

Please be an encourager to others, and not expect everyone to constantly encourage you. Uplifting our fellow believers is not an option, rather a way to gain access to the blessings He has in store for me. When I'm feeling very emotional, I will assume (from now on) that it's a need in the Kingdom--that someone else is in need of a hug/word/email/etc. from me and I'll seize that opportunity to be an encourager.

I will set my focus now on the 2 E's----Encouragement and Emotions

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. " Ephesians 6:18