Another One

Had another open house today. Wasn't that great, and didn't bring in the mass of people that I had hoped for.
After all, it's Labor Day weekend--should I be at all surprised at the small numbers of house hunters?
Surprised? No.
Saddened? No.
Frustrated? No.
Let Down? Maybe a little.
Tested? Defninitely

I certainly don't believe that the sale of this house is the only way God can provide the money for our new one on the other side of town. I am still in 100% belief that that house is the "one" for us, and nothing--not even the big flop of an open house--is going to change that.
Would it be nice to wake up one morning and not only be the owner of a new casa, but the seller of another one? Yup. No lie there.

I need a new dose of peace today. I need to be reminded daily.....hourly.....every minute....that He alone is in control. As badly as I want this place to sell, I don't want it bad enough to ignore my Father's Will.

So, this is my prayer: that I would have the strength to keep on fighting, the knowledge to conquer my fears/disbeliefs/questions, the ability to rest in His hands, and the peace to know it is almost over.

"Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."
1 Samuel 1:17

So You Want To Know?

Lately I've been asked to describe or elaborate on what I believe. It's very simple folks, but I'll outline it here quickly. Keep in mind that I can't jot down every little thing--it's much more complicated than that. Also, let me put in this disclaimer (sad that I feel I must do so)--I in no way expect for you to jump right in where I am. I do not and will not judge anyone else for their beliefs or make them feel belittled for not being in the same walk as I am in. This is simply a taste of what God has laid on my heart over the past 5 years. Yes, it took me that long to even BEGIN to figure things out, and I am by no means finished. In fact, I expect to be able to add to this list as I get deeper in my walk. Here it goes:

~Just as God created with words, I believe we can create/destroy with our words. We are, in fact, created in His image. Why wouldn't we be able to do what He does?
~Healing still takes place in today's world. I'm talking about divine healing. I am a living example of this--I've been healed twice now, and both times were instantaneous.
~Whether people choose to believe it or not, there are 2 realms--the spiritual and the physical. What happens in one realm directly affects the other.
~Contrary to popular belief, we as Christians have power--mighty, mighty power to affect the outcomes of our lives. We can speak things into existence, shut down the enemy, use prayer to battle for others' souls, etc.
~There are such things as curses---such as generational curses---and we do have the ability to stop them from affecting our children
~Prophets are real people who actually do deal with God on a regular basis. Although you must be careful to avoid false prophets, be assured that there are some out there with nothing but His works in mind (we love to hear teachings from Don Paul out of California. His website is: www.prophet.tv. At the top of his main page, you will see, in small print, the letters BTW. Click on that and it will take you to a page filled with mp3's of his teachings. AMAZING stuff I'm hear to tell you. Please wait for the BTW page to load. It may take a few extra minutes. Let me know if you end up listening to him. His power and annointing are astounding)
~The Holy Spirit is real. He lives within us and is our guide if we so choose to use Him. His help is a free gift, and if you are like me at all and you love free gifts, I would highly recommend you grab ahold of it.
~I speak in tongues. It's a holy language that is not of me, but instead flows through me as a way of communicating with the Holy Spirit and my Father without uttering a word of English. Also, I don't believe that you must have an interpreter in order to speak in tongues. After all, He created us and created all of the languages. Wouldn't you assume He understands what you are saying, even if you don't?
~I believe emotions are a spiritual radar. If I'm crabby, grumpy, distraught, frustrated, etc. then I know it's because I'm under attack. I can sense things when walking into a room, and I can instantly know when my husband is battling something, just by the look in his eyes.
~Worship is just that--WORSHIP. It's not a show, an obligation, performance, or just an emotional high. If you don't flow in the Spirit, then worship can tend to be boring, embarrassing, or down right uncomfortable. I don't care what anyone else thinks--I raise my hands to the heavens in hopes that some day He will reach His hands down and touch mine.

Ok, if I think of anything else, I'll be sure to add on later. For now, I will leave you with the verse that has been in my mind now for several days:

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what could a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16:26-27

A Very Real Thing

Where do I begin on this one?
Hmmmm......
I think I will go with the #1 thing that's ticking me off at this very moment--depression.

So why is it that I'm fighting it off like the plague? Simple. The devil doesn't want me to rise above and make headway in anything. How selfish of him, if you ask me. But then again--what is his purpose in this life?
Depression---it has become common in today's society to suffer from this. The drug companies are making millions off of poor individuals who can't come out of the comatose state they are in because of depression. I remember feeling that same way, and I also remember being freed from it all.
Throughout high school, I suffered from depression occassionally. Episodes would start because of a break-up with a boyfriend, a bad test grade, basketball games that didn't go my way, or even just from hormones. A cycle began to develop, and I found myself falling victim to depression more often as I got older. It go so bad, in fact, that I went on prescription medication for it when my oldest child was 4. I desperately wanted everyone around me to think that I had it all together all of the time. I had a child and a husband to take care of, and someone might think I wasn't fit for those jobs if I couldn't even take care of myself. I rationalized the need for meds, and I found that I could sleep better and had more energy during the day. Let me also say that I was nursing an addiction to hydrocodone (Lortab--pain killer commonly used after surgery). I had had several surgeries in a small amount of time, so access to this drug was no problem. Combining that with the depression meds could have been lethal, but I neither knew nor cared. As long as I could pull it off, it was no big deal. Nevermind the fact that my marriage was failing miserably and I just couldn't put my finger on what was causing that. Add a severe anger problem in there, and that's a recipe for distaster.
Does that story sound familiar? Too many people (both Christians and non-Christians) can probably relate or even top it. The sad part is that I should have known better. Basically, it was a weapon formed against me that I allowed to prosper---mainly because I didn't have the knowledge or understanding to fight it.
When I re-dedicated my life to the Lord, I began to see with wide open eyes all of the destruction I was headed for if I didn't change. Somehow I got the strength to stop taking meds all together. At the time, I thought that it would kill me. Turning to the Word and mending my marriage were lifesavers, and I truly believe I conquered depression and was completely delivered from it.
So why in the world is it trying to get back in now? Well, it shows up just when I have something important going on. As I have shared in previous posts, we are in a battle for our house, family, even souls. I now have that understanding when it comes to fighting off attacks of depression, but it doesn't mean I'm completely immune to them. I believe that if I dwell on it, that gives the devil a chance to sneak in and depression stays around for way longer than it ever should.

I saw it coming a mile off this week. I knew the devil would try to use it against me. After all, it worked so many other times in the past. Why not now? I can hear him taunting me, and trying to make me believe that I still suffer from it.
Depression is such a massive blanket of feelings that you feel as though you are smothered and suffocating. Getting out of bed is a huge chore, and trying to take care of even yourself feels impossible.
Praise God I no longer feel that way, and I can lift my head up to heaven and thank Him for freeing me. I just wish that deliverance meant eternal freedom from even the small pokes and prods of it all.
Depression is a very real thing, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently. It affects you like nothing else can, and if not taken care of, it can ruin your life. No amount of sleep, food, pills, or potions will cure you---only the Great Physician can work that miracle.
Again, I guess I must be doing something right if I keep getting hit with this level of stuff. This too shall pass..........this too shall pass.

To Boldly Go Where Others Have Gone Before

I actually have been working on this post for a while now. For some reason, I haven't been able to keep a train of thought for more than a few minutes. I have known what to write for a long time, but it just hasn't come together--until now.
Something I've been struggling with lately is the fact that I ask my Father a lot of questions. Yes, believe it or not, I am big on questions--I like to stay "in the know" when it comes to my life, but He has other plans and prefers me to just let him be the captain of my ship. I have had to grow up and realize that just because I can't see the finished product and I feel lost or forgotten, it doesn't mean that in the end I lose. In fact, more often than not, I come out on the winning side.
This whole house thing has had me in suspense for 90 days (that's how long our contingent contract was for). I teeter-tottered back and forth on the idea that it was in His will---and then it wasn't. More than anything, it's been a huge faith builder. It's very easy to talk about how much faith I have in something, especially when it's all unfolding and coming together perfectly. It's another thing to really, truly, honestly believe in faith that something's going to happen when it hasn't yet, and things don't look so good from where I sit. The contract ends at midnight tonight, and the seller does not want to extend it. Basically, we are sitting ducks and it makes me very uncomfortable. I can almost hear Him saying:

"Ah, we wouldn't want Melissa to be uncomfortable, now would we? I have you where I want you---remember My promises."

All of that being said, I'm just going to have to be content with not knowing everything that's going on behind the scenes. Pass or fail, this is it--a life lesson on truly having faith no matter what. Just because the contract ends tonight doesn't mean that we've lost the house. Oh no, in fact it makes me want it and go after it that much more. Miracles can happen, and by golly I think we are up for one! :)

Another subject that's touching a nerve in me is about other people's life stories. I have 4 different blogs I read right now that are just full of drama, suspense, sadness, action...everything that would essentially make up a great book. I often find myself so engulfed in these stories that I actually physically hurt when they hurt...cry when they have been crying...you get the idea. I sit back and think, "Man, here I am talking about faith in a house, and these families are dealing with the deaths of babies or illnesses of spouses. How does that work, and is it right?" I don't wish to have their situations or carry their burdens by any means. I don't even begin to understand what it must feel like to bury you child after only a few hours of holding them. It makes me sick to think about it actually...

So, I guess, here is my point to all of that that I just wrote: Being a Christian abviously means battling through situations that arise. I have peace now knowing that my battles are just as important to God as these other families' are. Even though I'm not in a fight for my life against a disease, or trying to cope with the loss of someone close (although I have been there and it's rough), everything that I am going through is of value and will be taken care of in time. I decided it's time to take God out of the box and allow Him to work however and whenever He wants to. I can't continue to downplay my struggles by thinking that He needs to work on someone else's behalf first, just because I think they are fighting for a more worthy cause. I am reminded that He is everywhere all of the time and can handle more than one situation at a time.

I don't know what the future holds. I have no clue how the house thing is all going to play out. What I do know is I have a very capable, loving, compassionate God who wants the best for me and my family ALL of the time, not just once in a while. We are all very important to our Father, and He gathers up my tears in His hands in the same way He does for these other blogging families. I can approach His throne with the same confidence and boldness as any other believer---He won't turn me away. I couldn't be more thankful for that.

A song by Matt Redman comes to mind--Nothing But The Blood. The lyrics that I am singing as I type this are:

Your cross testifies in grace,

Tells of the Father’s heart to make a way for us,

Now boldly we approach,

Not by earthly confidence,

It’s only by Your blood.

So true. Amazing how He speaks through songs, as well as His Word. Selah

Is It Just Me?

So many times I ask myself, "Is it just me?" when I'm going through difficult situations, trials, etc. I often feel like it IS just me and no one else has ever or will ever experience anything like it.
NOT TRUE.

Apparently, the devil is not picky choosy when it comes to who he frustrates, irritates, messes with, or picks on. Honestly, it's a great feeling to know that I'm not alone. Lately, I have been hearing story after story from friends about how they are fighting just one thing after another. The only thing I can think to say is we must be doing something right!

I know that the major lessons to learn through trials are perserverance, patience, love, understanding....the list could go on and on here. However, when you are in the midst of them, it doesn't feel that way, and often you can lose sight of the lesson.
As for me, I am still in the middle of spiritual battles (and hope to always be, otherwise I am useless in the kingdom), but I can safely say I know there is always a solution---a light at the end of the tunnel. The best thing I can do is to not focus on what emotions my battles are causing me. Instead, I can become that encourager for a friend. I can give the old "keep your head up, this is just a trial period in your life" speech if I so choose, but I really want others to know that it isn't just fancy words to help you get through. These times ARE just temporary. We CAN keep our heads up and press forward. We do have other choices, but what would that accomplish?

I once heard it said by a pastor at one of the churches we used to go to, that unless we learn the lesson or understand the situation we are presented with, we will continue to go around the mountain until we do (paraphrase). Basically, it's better to keep fighting and win rather than give up and have to repeat the process later. And, if in the event you must repeat the process, it becomes that much more difficult to conquer.

Really that has been the biggest lesson I have learned in the past 4 years---finish what you start when it comes to spiritual warfare. Use the knowledge and power that the Spirit has given you and go forward. Don't give up and make it harder on yourself later.

If you are one of those Christians that has an understanding of a situation that a brother or sister is going through, USE it to give them a boost of confidence and reassurance that they are not alone.

It isn't JUST me, it isn't JUST you. We are not alone.

"Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:10-11

A Tiny Seed And The Heart

Hello blog family! I truly hope you are all having a blessed week and have experienced "something heavenly" already today. Personally, I try to find any excuse to have an encounter with my Father on a daily basis. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it gets pushed to the background. Sadly, life tends to interfere every now and then--but the great news is that He never changes!
Honestly, I can't believe I'm up at 10:30pm (CST) writing this. John and I got home from our Wednesday night group (church small group), put the children to bed, took showers, and were all cozy and on the edge of sleep when God pulled me out of bed and told me to go back downstairs and reboot the computer. Funny how He does that at crazy times huh. Anyway, I have had a lot on my plate already this week, and I think the point of dragging me out of bed was to remind me that I hadn't spent my quality time with Him today. Yes, I had gone to group and had a great time discussing "faith and the power of words" with fellow believers, but I hadn't had my 1-on-1 time. So, although I have a pretty clear idea as to where I want to go with this post, please forgive any ramblings.
Something caught my attention in group this evening--a passage from a handout we received from the group leader. Here is the passage:
"Some people try to operate the law of faith in their head--that is called mental assent, but faith works in the heart. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness. You can't believe with your head what you can't believe with your heart." -Charles Capps
I had sort of an "ah ha" moment when I read that. So that's the problem is it? I tend to try to put the faith thing into action in my mind. Yes, I have faith in my heart about things, but I admit it's been hard to pinpoint just why I've been struggling with faith in general. Gotta get it outa my head and keep it in my heart. Yes!
I think I've hammered the "faith thing" a lot lately, but it's what's been consuming all of my thoughts and time lately. I want a faith testimony that shakes the foundations of the worlds, both spiritual and physical. I want the devil to shreek everytime I wake up and my feet hit the ground--I want him to think, "great, SHE'S up again!" Isn't that what it's really all about?
In the teachings of Don Paul (www.prophet.tv), I heard something else that caught my attention. He was speaking about the way the devil/demons see us in the spiritual world. Most people (Christians and non-Christians) look like black blobs, wandering around doing daily activities--not really posing a threat. However, when a believer begins to take his/her authority in the spiritual realm and starts fighting back, they turn from black to white and are highly visible, thus becoming threats. Have you ever noticed that when you are walking in the light of a situation and beginning to REALLY fight, you seem to get hit over and over again with stuff that either hasn't bothered you in a long time, or that just comes out of nowhere? There you have it my friend. You have more than likely come up on the "demon radar" and are posing a threat. I like to let that mull around in my brain--to think that I'm coming up on their radar more and more is kind of fun. My thoughts go to, "let's see how hard I can hit them today!"
These two topics (faith and fighting) are intertwined, so to speak. When I begin having more and more faith that He is working in my life, I start to fight harder against the attacks. Something else I heard one time (and can't for the life of me think who said it)is this--when we get to heaven and finally get to see the devil, we are going to be so unimpressed with just how small he really is. We are going to think, "man, I can't believe THAT was what was giving me so much grief all the time." So true.
When I was a young girl, probably 7-8 years old, my parents gave me a necklace. It was gold and had a little glass heart. Inside the glass heart was a tiny mustard seed. Next to the heart was a little piece of gold--it was made to look like a piece of paper with writing on it. It said, "the faith of a mustard seed." I wore that thing around all the time, and I really wish I knew where it was now. For some reason, that little necklace comes to mind often. I remember thinking that I really had no idea what it meant, and that a mustard seed was a strange thing to put in a glass heart for a necklace. Nevertheless, I still wore it proudly. I also can't count how many times I have heard the scripture about the mustard seed:
"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20
Now I truly understand what this passage means, and why it's so important to grasp this concept. God would never lie, so if He says that nothing will be impossible for me if I just have faith (in my heart), then I believe it!
So what are you believing for? I'm sure plenty of you have had the same questions, struggles, and concerns with faith that I have had. Bottom line---it's a heart matter. If you completely, totally, 100% give your heart over to Him and the things of His kingdom, nothing is impossible. I can't wait to see it happen!