A Very Real Thing

Where do I begin on this one?
Hmmmm......
I think I will go with the #1 thing that's ticking me off at this very moment--depression.

So why is it that I'm fighting it off like the plague? Simple. The devil doesn't want me to rise above and make headway in anything. How selfish of him, if you ask me. But then again--what is his purpose in this life?
Depression---it has become common in today's society to suffer from this. The drug companies are making millions off of poor individuals who can't come out of the comatose state they are in because of depression. I remember feeling that same way, and I also remember being freed from it all.
Throughout high school, I suffered from depression occassionally. Episodes would start because of a break-up with a boyfriend, a bad test grade, basketball games that didn't go my way, or even just from hormones. A cycle began to develop, and I found myself falling victim to depression more often as I got older. It go so bad, in fact, that I went on prescription medication for it when my oldest child was 4. I desperately wanted everyone around me to think that I had it all together all of the time. I had a child and a husband to take care of, and someone might think I wasn't fit for those jobs if I couldn't even take care of myself. I rationalized the need for meds, and I found that I could sleep better and had more energy during the day. Let me also say that I was nursing an addiction to hydrocodone (Lortab--pain killer commonly used after surgery). I had had several surgeries in a small amount of time, so access to this drug was no problem. Combining that with the depression meds could have been lethal, but I neither knew nor cared. As long as I could pull it off, it was no big deal. Nevermind the fact that my marriage was failing miserably and I just couldn't put my finger on what was causing that. Add a severe anger problem in there, and that's a recipe for distaster.
Does that story sound familiar? Too many people (both Christians and non-Christians) can probably relate or even top it. The sad part is that I should have known better. Basically, it was a weapon formed against me that I allowed to prosper---mainly because I didn't have the knowledge or understanding to fight it.
When I re-dedicated my life to the Lord, I began to see with wide open eyes all of the destruction I was headed for if I didn't change. Somehow I got the strength to stop taking meds all together. At the time, I thought that it would kill me. Turning to the Word and mending my marriage were lifesavers, and I truly believe I conquered depression and was completely delivered from it.
So why in the world is it trying to get back in now? Well, it shows up just when I have something important going on. As I have shared in previous posts, we are in a battle for our house, family, even souls. I now have that understanding when it comes to fighting off attacks of depression, but it doesn't mean I'm completely immune to them. I believe that if I dwell on it, that gives the devil a chance to sneak in and depression stays around for way longer than it ever should.

I saw it coming a mile off this week. I knew the devil would try to use it against me. After all, it worked so many other times in the past. Why not now? I can hear him taunting me, and trying to make me believe that I still suffer from it.
Depression is such a massive blanket of feelings that you feel as though you are smothered and suffocating. Getting out of bed is a huge chore, and trying to take care of even yourself feels impossible.
Praise God I no longer feel that way, and I can lift my head up to heaven and thank Him for freeing me. I just wish that deliverance meant eternal freedom from even the small pokes and prods of it all.
Depression is a very real thing, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently. It affects you like nothing else can, and if not taken care of, it can ruin your life. No amount of sleep, food, pills, or potions will cure you---only the Great Physician can work that miracle.
Again, I guess I must be doing something right if I keep getting hit with this level of stuff. This too shall pass..........this too shall pass.