I actually have been working on this post for a while now. For some reason, I haven't been able to keep a train of thought for more than a few minutes. I have known what to write for a long time, but it just hasn't come together--until now.
Something I've been struggling with lately is the fact that I ask my Father a lot of questions. Yes, believe it or not, I am big on questions--I like to stay "in the know" when it comes to my life, but He has other plans and prefers me to just let him be the captain of my ship. I have had to grow up and realize that just because I can't see the finished product and I feel lost or forgotten, it doesn't mean that in the end I lose. In fact, more often than not, I come out on the winning side.
This whole house thing has had me in suspense for 90 days (that's how long our contingent contract was for). I teeter-tottered back and forth on the idea that it was in His will---and then it wasn't. More than anything, it's been a huge faith builder. It's very easy to talk about how much faith I have in something, especially when it's all unfolding and coming together perfectly. It's another thing to really, truly, honestly believe in faith that something's going to happen when it hasn't yet, and things don't look so good from where I sit. The contract ends at midnight tonight, and the seller does not want to extend it. Basically, we are sitting ducks and it makes me very uncomfortable. I can almost hear Him saying:
"Ah, we wouldn't want Melissa to be uncomfortable, now would we? I have you where I want you---remember My promises."
All of that being said, I'm just going to have to be content with not knowing everything that's going on behind the scenes. Pass or fail, this is it--a life lesson on truly having faith no matter what. Just because the contract ends tonight doesn't mean that we've lost the house. Oh no, in fact it makes me want it and go after it that much more. Miracles can happen, and by golly I think we are up for one! :)
Another subject that's touching a nerve in me is about other people's life stories. I have 4 different blogs I read right now that are just full of drama, suspense, sadness, action...everything that would essentially make up a great book. I often find myself so engulfed in these stories that I actually physically hurt when they hurt...cry when they have been crying...you get the idea. I sit back and think, "Man, here I am talking about faith in a house, and these families are dealing with the deaths of babies or illnesses of spouses. How does that work, and is it right?" I don't wish to have their situations or carry their burdens by any means. I don't even begin to understand what it must feel like to bury you child after only a few hours of holding them. It makes me sick to think about it actually...
So, I guess, here is my point to all of that that I just wrote: Being a Christian abviously means battling through situations that arise. I have peace now knowing that my battles are just as important to God as these other families' are. Even though I'm not in a fight for my life against a disease, or trying to cope with the loss of someone close (although I have been there and it's rough), everything that I am going through is of value and will be taken care of in time. I decided it's time to take God out of the box and allow Him to work however and whenever He wants to. I can't continue to downplay my struggles by thinking that He needs to work on someone else's behalf first, just because I think they are fighting for a more worthy cause. I am reminded that He is everywhere all of the time and can handle more than one situation at a time.
I don't know what the future holds. I have no clue how the house thing is all going to play out. What I do know is I have a very capable, loving, compassionate God who wants the best for me and my family ALL of the time, not just once in a while. We are all very important to our Father, and He gathers up my tears in His hands in the same way He does for these other blogging families. I can approach His throne with the same confidence and boldness as any other believer---He won't turn me away. I couldn't be more thankful for that.
A song by Matt Redman comes to mind--Nothing But The Blood. The lyrics that I am singing as I type this are:
Your cross testifies in grace,
Tells of the Father’s heart to make a way for us,
Now boldly we approach,
Not by earthly confidence,
It’s only by Your blood.
So true. Amazing how He speaks through songs, as well as His Word. Selah
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