When All Is Said And Done

"Life's too short to be lukewarm,
This I know, this I know.
Jesus you can have it all,
My every breath, my every breath.

I need your power to live this life,
This I know, this I know.
I can't do this by myself,
You're Christ in me,
My only hope, my only hope.

As I walk this broken world,
Tune my life to heaven's song,
For I am Yours.
And when all is said and done,
Tune my life to heaven's song,
Forevermore."

~"When All Is Said And Done" by Matt Redman on his Beautiful News Album
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I have songs like this just randomly pop into my head throughout the day. It's never when I expect it, either. He seems to know just when to speak to me.
For instance, this song came to me as I was responding to a post on Facebook.

~You have amazing timing, Lord. Seriously.

Anyway, the words are exactly what I have been thinking lately. This song is one we played when I was on the worship team, and it's one of my favorites.
Somehow, though, I'd forgotten it as of late.
I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that I spent 4 months trying to forget anything that had to do with worship music or playing my violin.
Do I have an unfilled violin-shaped hole in my soul right now?
Probably.
Most definitely.

I have found that I can extend my hand to my Father as I sit on my couch--listening to the beautiful music play and Matt Redman's voice singing the lyrics to this song. All the while, I imagine myself, violin in hand, playing away and swaying with the beat.

I can hear each note I play so....very....clearly. It's as if I never stopped. I invision the rest of the worship team making the most beautiful music I've ever heard, praying it reaches His ears.

And it's almost as if the violin had become an extension of my arm. Or my heart. Take your pick.

~What are you teaching me, Abba? Why does it seem that there's always pain in the offering?

When ALL is said and done, I am His. Pure, plain and simple.

That's what I've been trying to say lately--how in the world it gets muddled up in feelings of frustration and irritation, I'll never understand. That's a question I'll have to save for when I come face to face with Him, I guess.
I'm not mad at the "church." I don't judge anyone for what they do with their spiritual lives. I am so very proud of the Christ followers I have the privilege of being friends with.
Truly.
God has such an amazing way of crafting beautiful souls.

When ALL is said and done, though, I just want to tune my life to heaven's song.

~You are truly amazing, God. Your songs are so sweet to my ears, and I just hope the violin is as sweet to yours when I play it. Someday, I want to be able to play it at your feet.

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I'm going to go there for a minute, for He's bringing revelation to me as I type....

About 4 years ago, my special violin (a one-of-a-kind made in Africa that my parents bought me as a gift) was crushed--literally.
Basically what happened was I left it out in the night--just sitting in an open case on the floor. My sweet husband, who got up super early to get ready for work, didn't see it in the floor. He accidentally tripped over it, fell on it, and crushed it.
I was so brokenhearted. How in the world could I play now?? What will people think when I tell them that I was so irresponsible with something that expensive and precious?
I was ashamed. Lost. Confused...

My only option was to pull out the phone book and pray that someone, somewhere, could put this piece of fragmented wood back together to resemble something I once knew. I had, however, come to grips with the fact that it might not ever be fixed and I'd have to trash it.

Much to my surprise, there happened to be such a person here in town. For almost nothing, he slaved over my violin for weeks, even adding new touches to it.
When I walked into his shop to see the finished product, my breath was taken away.
I stood there amazed at what this man had done for me. Even though my violin had permanent scars, it was more beautiful than before. It somehow had a much sweeter sound now, too.

This is me. I am that violin.
I was crushed under the weight of my circumstances, damaged almost beyond repair. I was temporarily useless---I was forced to wait until the Master Craftsman could finish His work on me.
I may now bear the scars, but I pray my sound is sweeter. I am, once again, useful. I owe it all to the Master Craftsman.
I WILL go on to make beautiful music.

~I can't do this by myself. You're Christ in me, my only hope. My only hope.