Unanswered Questions

Today was not a glorious day for me. For the first time in ages, I felt the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders. Every inch of my brain/mind hurt as I tried to wrap it around not only my current situations, but that of the entire nation. How is it that things got so bad so quickly for Americans? What is truly the "American Dream," and are we all still chasing it?
I'm not going to point fingers at a political party, curse the current President, or burn my bras and join an anti-war protest. I simply wanted answers today, and even though I think I got some, I feel as if there will be others that are never answered.
I have had to remove myself from certain blogs lately. Even though the authors of these blogs have amazing and gut-wrenching stories, I couldn't bear to read another word. One thing these blogs have in common is that the authors have lost children, most of whom died shortly after birth. Another common thread is that all of the authors are Christians who have fought valiantly for the childrens' lives.
How is that fair, Father? How is it that I have 3 beautiful, precious, amazing children laying in their beds upstairs, and these women are crying themselves to sleep every night tormented by the fact that their cribs are empty but they are forever scarred from a c-section. How is that fair--I WANT to know.
*sigh*

I fully understand that our economic situation is looking bad (to say the least), but who is ultimately responsible for this disaster? There aren't answers. At least none that put my mind and heart at ease. Not that the sale of this house rests solely upon the economic situation (for God can do mighty things in the midst of turmoil), but it certainly doesn't help the cause. As a Christian, I guess it's just a test of faith---to see whether or not I have the guts to knock and keep on knocking--seek and keep on seeking....

On a daily basis, I struggle to comprehend some of the things He does in my life. I also have a hard time sometimes decifering if He's teaching me a lesson, working on building my faith, or just building the bigger picture one strange puzzle piece at a time. Don't get me wrong--I am not discouraged. Just....I don't know....uncomfortable.

Maybe that's where He wants me--in that strange uncomfortable zone. Whatever the outcome of this world, at least I am guaranteed an ending that is glorious beyond comprehension.
For now, I will knock and keep on knocking....you get the idea.
I will also remind myself that I gave the control to Him along time ago, and I don't want it back, no matter how hard it is to restrain myself at times. I don't want it back.