Wednesday night lifegroup has always been both fun and challenging for me. I find that my toes get stepped on more often than not, but it's a good thing.
Kinda like tonight.
The topic we are studying is "Our Shield of Faith." Pretty self explanatory--basically, it's about learning how to fight in the spiritual realm. What a concept huh.
Anyway, we were discussing strongholds and how they are basically just false ideas. I'll give you an example--a young lady shared that she has an unhealthy fear of being attacked by a shark when she goes to the ocean. Her fear is so huge that she has even transferred it to her 2 young daughters. She has them as well as herself convinced that if they go swimming in the ocean, they will most certainly be mangled. She is so bound by that fear--a stronghold--that she doesn't know how to get past it. In reality, there's a greater chance of being in a car wreck on the way to take her daughters to school than there ever is of being attacked by a shark.
As I listened to the teaching about faith, fear, and strongholds, I began to identify some in my life.
Example 1:
When I was growing up, my father was a police officer (still is). My parents taught me from a young age to respect guns, but more importantly to stay far, far away from them. I was to NEVER touch my father's gun, play with guns, pick one up at a friend's house...you get the picture. I never held a gun or shot one until I was 4-5 years into my marriage. My mother (great role model and teacher that she was/is) made sure that I didn't put myself in harm's way, but at the same time, she instilled a huge fear of guns in me. I think that it was instilled in her (similar to the young woman's story from group tonight) and she knew no other way of getting her point across. I see it in my childrens' lives as well--Mimi makes it a big point for them to stay as far away as humanly possible from all guns. While I completely understand and agree with the safety factor being taught here, I also see it as a stronghold. After marrying John, who is a big hunter and fan of guns, I found that they really were not as horrible as they had been made out to be. John will allow our 2 older children to sit with him while he cleans his guns (unloaded and on safety of course), and our oldest daughter hunts deer with him. He makes it a time of learning, not of instilling fear. He wants our children (and me) to become comfortable and aware of the power of guns, but he doesn't want us to have an unhealthy fear of them.
Example 2:
About 2 years into our marriage, I began to develop a fear of being alone at night. John is a firefighter, and at the time he worked 24 hour shifts--24hrs. on, 24hrs. off--which left me and our daughter at home by ourselves. The fear didn't creep in until one night our house alarm went off at 1am for no apparent reason. The alarm company had no record of it going off, but they sent the cops out anyway when I called them. Weird situation huh. Anyway, I remember being so gripped with fear that night that I ran into the closet, found John's handgun, cocked it back, and then watched the bullet fall out of the chamber. See...if I would have KNOWN how to hold/shoot a gun, I wouldn't have accidentally lost the ammunition out of it. It's a snowball effect, I tell you. Ha! So, when the cops showed up and made sure all was well in my house, I went back to bed, but I didn't go back to sleep.
The sad thing was that this same alarm system sounded in the wee hours of the morning AGAIN about 3 months later. Again, the alarm company had no record that it had gone off, and there was no burglarer. Fear was allowed to build up a stronghold in my mind at that point. I would cringe every time John had to go to work, and I knew I would not be getting much sleep that night without him there.
When we moved to our current location and John became an officer at the fire department, it meant no more overnight stays--or so I thought. He occasionally takes overtime 24hr. shifts, so I do still sleep by myself from time to time.
Why am I telling you all of this, and how does it all piece together? Follow me here....
When we were talking about strongholds in lifegroup tonight, the light came on in my mind. I realized, for the first time in my adult life, that I had allowed strongholds to build up about guns and burglarers. I had an unhealthy fear of shooting myself, my children shooting themselves, or being robbed/assaulted while John was away and unable to protect me. I had actually put all of my faith in my husband, which is not his burden to bear. Instead, I needed to REALLY rely on my Father and His amazing ability to protect me and my family.
Here is my plan of action: I refuse to be afraid of the dark...at night...when I'm all alone. I refuse to let the fear of guns or threat of injury from them keep me bound....I will not put the burden of complete protection on my husband. I will spend some time with Him tonight--just me and Him--alone---in the dark of my bedroom--without fear. I am turning the lights out on those strongholds, and I am never allowing them access to my mind again. I will put up my shield of faith every morning, and I will make sure that my children know who their Protector is, and I will make sure I don't pass down any unhealthy views of this world.
Goodnight.
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