Mad

I just want to get it out there---I was very mad at God today. So mad, in fact, that I yelled, cried, and pitched a very big 3-year-old fit. I know that everyone at some point in their life feels just like doing that. After all, being angry is a natural feeling from time to time.
I guess I was just letting go of weeks of frustration. It boils down to this: I trust God with all of my heart, mind, and soul. I know He has my life in His hands and He won't disappoint me. It's just that He's been silent. I don't know if it's my life that's too loud or what. I just need a volume button so I can crank His signal up a bit.
John and I have several fires going at once right now. I wouldn't call them worries, just big things we are hoping for and believing in. I think it's during these times when we feel so focused on His Will for our lives that we sometimes fall victim to not hearing what He has to say. Maybe it's called being too focused and having tunnel vision.
Please excuse the ramblings. I just can't quite put my finger on why I was so mad. I truly believe that anger is a valid feeling--after all, in the Bible God got angry quite a bit. Since we are made in His image, we are bound to have the same feelings He does. I guess what I'm craving is answers. Answers to questions about finances, houses, relationships, futures....the list can go on and on. I want to think that He and I have such a good relationship that I can hear when He tells me important things. I no longer want to have the worries of a day-to-day existence. I want more. I want Him to give me at least a peek into why I am on this earth--a direction to be heading in. I believe that there IS a bigger purpose for me, and that what I am doing on a daily basis is just part of a more grand scheme.
I got over being mad fairly quickly. I was left feeling peaceful and relaxed, as strange as that sounds. John reassured me that it was okay to be frustrated and mad at God, as long as it didn't last very long. He said that he was sure God heard me and was thankful that I was honest with Him about my feelings. The one point I have been taught about being mad is that I should always resolve the issues quickly and never harbor it. God wants us to be fully honest with Him in all situations, not just when everything is rosy and happy. After ridding my body, mind, and soul of the anger, I must pick up my cross and continue to carry it. Only in that is there relief. He is wonderful, glorious, and faithful no matter what I think and no matter how mad I may get. Selah


"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27