Play On

On the way home this evening, I found my radio station tuned to classical music. As I turned the volume up, a song that I have loved for years flowed through the car.
Ahhhh, the Bach Double (Violin Concerto in D Minor). It was pure bliss as I began to feel my fingers moving with the notes. They ached to play it again, but they will never do so as they did back in the day. Why you might ask? It's very simple, yet very sad.
When performing the Bach Double, you must have a partner. The song is a conglomeration of two violinists with their fingers running the fingerboard in various exciting and dramatic ways. The song sounds terrible unless the two partners are totally in sync. I was in sync with my partner, Renee Hall, when we performed it for the Greater Southwest Music Festival ( was 16, she was 15)--we earned a 1, a high award, for our performance. It took roughly 6 months of painstaking practice and listening. Renee and I spent hours rehearsing in Mrs. Gibbins' studio. Those were the days when I played for fun.
This brings me to why I won't perform the Bach Double again--or at least anytime soon.
On August 4, 2007, Renee (Hall) Ramsey died tragically in a car accident while driving to a vacation spot with her family. She and I shared the same passion for violin music. Even though our styles of playing were very different, we connected on a level that was just right. I feel a heaviness in my chest when I think about her not being on this earth anymore. After all, she was only 25 years old when she died.
Her death is actually the way God brought me out of my "violin depression." I stopped studying under Mrs. Gibbins when I was 17 (right before I got married--and Renee had moved to Nebraska), and I preceeded to stuff my violin in a closet and refuse to pick it up. At that point in my life, I had nothing to play for--no one to listen. That's what I thought anyway.
Upon hearing of her death, I was immediately drawn to the closet where my violin sat. I picked it up and played piece after piece after piece. I think I went through all 7 Suzuki books in one evening. The amazing thing was that after 9 years, it all flowed like I had practiced it yesterday. Roughly 3 months after that, the worship leader of Plum Creek Fellowship (our church now) called and invited me to play on the worship team there. I was amazed to say the least.
God knew what it would take to pull me from my self pity. Not that I'm saying Renee's death was for that very reason, but it was a catalyst. Deep in my soul, I had been longing to play for my Father that whole 9 years that the violin was tucked away. He knew that too. What I didn't realize was that His heart was longing to hear what I had to play. He was my audience, and with Him, all music was possible. I may not ever perform the Bach Double again in this life, but I'm okay with that. After all, the One who gave me the talent to play, the music to perform, and the heart to put it all together is just a whisper away.
I can hear Him saying, "Play on, Melissa .............play on.

"The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD." Isaiah 38:20